Meltdown, when necessary

Well, it finally reared it’s head.  I won’t say ugly, because I don’t feel it was.  My meltdown…Stressed out lately, lots of things coming at me from all directions.  But I stand firm, heels dug in.  I back down from no challenge.  And I certainly don’t break easily.  But today I finally did.  I’m tired, I’m stressed but I’m hanging in there.  I finally put pencil to paper how I was feeling…it was needed, it was time.

Photo credit http://www.thatcuriousloveofgreen.com

meltdown

it came like a thief in the night

the meltdown

suppressed for too long

it was needed, it was time

the release, like a wave hitting the shore

finally reaching its destination

it felt like a tsunami

I hurt, I grieve, I ache

and I hide it all

I’m strong, I can handle it

my shoulders have grown heavy

first born, Leo – this is my calling

but what about me?

my struggles, my fears, my needs?

I hold back, I’m strong

I can handle this

I seek comfort in odd ways and places

no one understands I have no need for the ordinary

in the autumn days of my life

I need to allow myself to be —

me, authentic

I need – I need time alone

but I hate being lonely

I need time to indulge in my likes/loves/treasures

of my heart

tired of dishes, clothes, paperwork

tired of adulting

I need more fantasy, fairy dust, creativity

I need Ireland

I need to write

I need grounding

I have the love of my life

and he is good to me

and I am thankful for that

I am thankful he understands I am

different and unique

he understands my love of green, rain and of Ireland

he tolerates, but lovingly allows, my two speeds –

stalled or wide open

he held me during my meltdown

he let me cry

he reassured me of his love

it was needed, it was time

it came, like a thief in the night

the meltdown